if's. I can't even type them out, but I'm sure you know what I'm speaking of. But God is bigger than that. This is where faith comes in. Because I know what I believe, I know what's true. It's when the time comes to TRULY believe it is the strength of your faith. And I'll be honest, I'm a little weak today.
My younger brother Sam deploys to Afghanistan on Monday, April 26th. I've never been a delayed reaction person, but I have totally delayed my reacting to his deployment. When I think about it my heart beats a littler faster, the tears come a little easier, and my brain moves a little quicker. I've even kept quiet on the deployment date (even though I've known for a while), just to avoid talking about it. Even now, as I type, I'm blinking through the tears falling down my face. I'm still torn with the feeling of being so incredibly proud of him for serving our country, for protecting us, for keeping us free; and by the other part that so selfishly wants him to stay home. Behind the border, away from war, terrorism, violence, and the reality of the harshness of this world.
ok. I wish I could wipe the fear from my heart. I wish I could stand at the airport and wave goodbye. I wish my brother Scott could see him one more time. I wish he wasn't 19. I wish he didn't have to leave his new wife alone.