Let me begin this awful story by saying that I loathe reptiles. Of all kinds.
It all started on Saturday evening. My friend Courtney and I were standing in my driveway next to my SUV, waiting to go to dinner. The drivers door was open for just a few minutes, and all of the sudden Courtney tells me there is a lizard in my car. I grab her poor arm and squeezed for dear life! I could see it's beady little head sticking out from underneath my seat, and I was FA-REAKING out. I ran inside, yelled for Ken (the dad I work for) to come get it out of my car.
Ken is trying hard not to make fun of Courtney and I, while we were shrieking, jumping around...he takes apart a wiring console, bangs around for a while to no avail. It seems the lizard has taken up residence in my car. We decided that the lizard has left, and we are safe to go to dinner. We all climb in, toes curled, looking around our feet for the nasty little lizard. I even get in, start my car, get out, get BACK in, pray, get back out.......I'm completely serious.
The night goes on, we are hoping that if the lizard caught a ride to Newport Beach, that he made his exit with the valet, and not us.
Little did I know...
The weekend has gone great, my fears of the lizard attack are just a blip in my memory bank. I'm in a store parking lot with the kids I nanny for, and I pop the hatch on my SUV to open the back...and what comes slithering out of the INSIDE of the door? That stinkin' lizard!!! I instantly freeze, then unfreeze, putting E in the shopping basket and commanding James not to move. I just stood there, trying to figure out what to do. Do I try to hit it with my purse? Do I slam the glass hatch down, killing him and breaking him into two pieces? (Sorry PETA). I decided to knock it out of the car, but he jumps over the door, and INTO the back of the car! EEEEEEEK!!!
By this time, I know I've gone pale, chill bumps are covering my skin, my muscles hurt from tensing, and I may or may not have screamed. Now I know he won't hurt me, but he is nasty gross. I open the tailgate of my car and just starting throwing things into the parking lot. Big Wheel, stroller, shopping cart cover, all of it, into the street. I know I was screaming a little bit, but I must have been screaming a liiiiitle louder than I thought, because a nice gentleman comes rushing over, asking to help. I tell him what has happened, and he goes to town. I mean, this guy is on a mission to find the lizard! After picking through the contents that I've strewn across the parking lot, he comes slithering out of the Big Wheel. The guy helping me decides not to kill it (I wanted it DEAD.), and shoos it away. The little lizard has the audacity to stop, turn around and hiss at me!
After I'm sure he's gone away, that's when I stop to look around me. There are 4-5 people standing around, watching this crazy lady with two kids throw her crap into the street. Hey, I didn't care! I had chill bumps, my heart was racing, my muscles were tense..... let's say I never want that to happen again. Ever.
Sorry little lizard. We weren't meant to be best friends. Don't take it personally.
By the way, did anyone take notice that he was in my car for TWO ENTIRE DAYS???